Counsellor Fiona Caine tackles your dilemmas

Why doesn’t he want sex?

My boyfriend and I have been going out together for nearly six months now.

Things started very slowly but, over the last few weeks, we’ve been sleeping together occasionally. We haven’t made love though, just cuddled. I know he’s had girlfriends in the past so what’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t want to make love to me? I’d like to ask him what’s wrong but I’d be too embarrassed, and I think he would be too. How do I sort this out? AC

Fiona says I am surprised you're even sleeping in the same bed when you can’t even talk to one another! It sounds like the slow start to your relationship is progressing in the same way in the bedroom and that may indicate a lack of confidence on his part. You say he has had girlfriends in the past but you can’t possibly know if they made love, even if he told you they did. Forget about sex for the moment, the two of you need to get to know one another a whole lot better so you’re comfortable talking. Then, if it is a lack of confidence on his part, perhaps you could take the lead. This shouldn’t be too difficult if you’re already in bed together, but do make sure it’s what you both want before you do.

Have I messed up my marriage?

My husband and I have been married for three years. He has a nine-year-old daughter from his previous marriage, who he used to only see occasionally as she lived abroad. Earlier this year though, the ex-wife returned to the UK with the girl and my husband decided he wanted to start seeing his daughter more regularly. They agreed he should see her twice a week but his ex-wife constantly changes plans at the last minute. My husband seems okay about this but it drives me mad and the last time it happened, I hit the roof, accusing him of being spineless. I know it was a hurtful thing to say but I’d turned down an invitation to a friend’s wedding because his daughter was supposed to be with us. Now he’s not talking to me and I feel like I’ve mishandled the whole thing. SS

Fiona says... You need to tell him – and soon. All too often relationships flounder because someone is too proud to admit they were wrong and apologise. Of course your husband wants to see his daughter again and if he's not had the chance to have a regular relationship before then it is still early days. Start talking to your husband again and show him that, together, you can make things work for his daughter, however difficult his ex-wife wants to be.