My brother drinks too much

My brother has always been a good man, but over the past few years, he’s become a very heavy drinker. It’s changed his whole personality and now he drinks nearly all the time, which makes him aggressive and intolerant. My sister-in-law has been patient with him and says that he’s tried to give up, but that it never lasts long; when he starts again, he is often worse than before he stopped.

He runs his own building company and I’m sure the pressure is part of the problem, but it’s not winning him any friends or customers. The more he drinks, the more he puts people off and the less customers he gets. This means that he worries about money, so he drinks more - It’s a vicious circle.

I’m at my wits end and so is his wife, but what can we do? - BB

Fiona says: This is not an easy situation and I’m afraid there is no simple solution unless your brother wants to stop drinking. The sad fact is that people with drink problems often refuse to acknowledge that they have a real problem. Your sister-in-law needs to be able to talk openly and honestly about what she’s going through, so I suggest she starts by joining Al-Anon (al-anonuk.org.uk), the support group for families of people with drink problems. It has over 800 support groups across the UK, so I’m sure there’ll have something local to you. I would encourage you to join as well; it is clearly taking its toll on you too.

Why do they exclude me?

My boyfriend and I have been together for more than a year and we’re saving up to get a place together.

Meanwhile, we’re both still living with our parents, but while he sleeps with me when we’re at my parent’s house, when I stay at his, I’m given a room on my own.

His parents know that we’re sleeping together, so why do they do this?

My family make him feel welcome and accepted, but I’m often excluded from any social occasions his family organises.

I hate being left out like this and wonder if I should say something to them? - LP

Fiona says: You see this relationship as serious, but I suspect your boyfriend’s family doesn’t. This makes me wonder if your boyfriend has had that conversation with them and if not, why? Having said that, perhaps they have some ideas that may be different to yours. For them, sleeping together before marriage may not be acceptable, so it’s possible that - even when you’re living together - you’ll be given a separate room.