Dragged by my hair, headbutted, kicked... by my husband

When Jo Ruddle’s husband dragged her through her lounge by her hair, she didn’t consider the experience bad enough to be classed as domestic abuse.

After all it was the first time her husband had been physically abusive... but it wasn’t to be the last.

Finally, thanks to domestic violence and abuse charitable organisation Hometruths, she found the courage to tell the police about a number of similar incidents.

Jo, 39, is now fundraising for Hometruths as a way of saying thank you to the group for helping to turn her life around.

“Without Hometruths things would be so different for me now,” she said.

“When I rang, I thought they would just say ‘this helpline is for people who need it’, but they didn’t. Kim Swinden, the director of Hometruths, came to see me. I was still with my husband at the time. Kim gave me the strength to say enough is enough. Before that I just carried on.”

Jo, who was with her husband for 21 years, first experienced physical abuse from him – the hair incident – in December 2012. “It started with a row over something silly and he was in my daughter’s face. He was spitting in her face because he was so angry and I was scared he was going to hit her. My daughter looked terrified.

“I slapped him to try and bring him back round and it was like he completely switched. That’s when he grabbed my hair and dragged me through the lounge,” she said.

“He went back to our daughter so I slapped him again. I was trying to get him away from her. I then tried to get him to talk to me and placed my hand on his laptop. He took my arm and twisted it behind my back.

“My son was only 10 at the time and he came in and said ‘mummy, I have packed my bag. Let’s just go.’ We did leave, but then I went back,” she said.

“I went back for my children because at the time I thought he was a good dad and they needed their father.

“I also went back because I thought he was having a breakdown due to his job. I tried to get him help at the doctors but he twisted everything back to me. He said I needed help and that I was depressed.

“Before that it had only been mental abuse. I never in a million years thought he would get physical.”

Before the incident in 2012, Jo’s husband’s behaviour had gradually got worse over time. “Right from the very beginning he was very controlling. I was 17 and it was my first serious relationship. I thought it was normal,” said Jo. “If I went out I would be accused of everything and anything. He would humiliate me and put me down in front of people.

“If I wore a necklace or a bracelet to work he would say it was because I was trying to attract somebody. Once when I had my hair cut I didn’t get spoken to for two weeks because it was too short.”

The next physical incident was in 2013.

“By the time it got to October 2013, he had become very closed and wouldn’t speak to me. He started to go out more and stay out overnight. That’s when I got in contact with Hometruths,” said Jo.

“I stood up to him one day and told him ‘if you don’t talk to me I’m going to leave you’.

“Two days after that, after an argument about the washing, he kicked me in the stomach and got in my face. I slapped out and he hit me in the face. Then our daughter came in and asked what was going on.”

The next incident took place two weeks later when Jo’s husband was ironing a shirt. “He had sent me a text the day before saying we needed to talk but when he saw me he looked through me as though I wasn’t there.

“I pulled the shirt he was ironing away and said ‘please talk to me’. I put my hand on the ironing board and told him he really needed to talk to me. He carried on ironing and I said ‘what are you going to do? Burn my fingers?’ He took the iron across the bottom of my fingers. When asked why he had done that he said ‘because you told me to’.”

Jo met with Kim at Hometruths, who made her promise that if anything else happened she would call the police.

Things came to a head when Jo came home to find the house was in a state and he was upstairs playing on the XBox. “I asked him what he was doing and he started to shout and told me to ‘f’ off out of the house. At this point I’d had enough so I leaned forward in his face and said ‘no, why don’t you ‘f’ off and leave us alone/’. Next thing I knew he head butted me.

“Our son came in and took me to my bedroom and brought me a bag of peas for my head. I had this feeling I just had to get out. It could have been because I had seen Kim a few days earlier. I texted my friend and she told me to get in my car with my son and get out. My daughter was away at the time.

“I haven’t seen my husband since, except for the court case and when he picked his stuff up from the house.”

On July 18 this year, Jo’s husband appeared at Swindon Magistrates Court for sentencing for three counts of common assault against her. He was sentenced to 80 hours community service, 12 months probation, and told to pay £660 court costs.

He also has to attend an anger management course and there is a restriction order stopping him from seeing Jo.

“I wasn’t worried about the sentence, I just wanted the restriction order. Any contact has to be done through a solicitor now,” said Jo.

Jo urged everyone experiencing domestic violence or abuse to contact Hometruths. “If it wasn’t for Hometruths I would probably still be there,” she said.

“I want other people going through domestic abuse or violence to know you’re not crazy and you’re not going to have your children taken off you, which is something the abuser might threaten you with. You’re completely normal, you’re just putting up with things you don’t need to put up with. There is life after abuse.”

Jo is holding a curry night at the Bombay Lounge in Peatmoor on October 13 to raise funds for Hometruths. She will raise even more funds when she takes place in the 5k Run or Dye event in Oxford, which takes place on October 25. To sponsor her visit http://local giving.com /fundraising /joshomerun.

People you can turn to

DOMESTIC abuse is never acceptable, according to Detective Inspector Ben Mant from the public protection team at Wiltshire Police.

Detective Inspector Mant said: “We have a range of tools in place to tackle it.

“These include the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) – often known as ‘Clare’s Law’ – which involves disclosing information about previous violent offending by a new or existing partner where this may help protect victims from further domestic abuse.

“Wiltshire Police understands that domestic abuse is complex and some people at risk don’t feel confident to immediately report it to the police. I would like to reassure those people that there are 24 hour numbers available where independent professionals are able to offer practical advice and guidance to keep you and your families safe.

“If you are or know someone who is living with the effects of domestic abuse, please speak out and seek support by contacting Wiltshire Police on 101.

“You can also call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247 (freephone in partnership with Women's Aid and Refuge), Swindon 24 Hour Helpline 01793 610610 or visit www.speakoutwiltshire.com.”