Joe Theobald, aka DJ Captain Wormhole, Looks at all things vinyl 

IF YOU read last week’s column then you’ll know that I recently dug deep in the mysterious sub-continent of India.

As is customary, I picked up more than just a few Bollywood LPs.

At the time of writing I’ve had a dicky tummy for no fewer than seven days. I’m a general good guy so I thought I’d pass on a few hints and tips to help you avoid the same fate if you’re lucky enough to ever visit India.

  • Hydration - avoid drinking tea/coffee/water based beverages. Stick to hard liquor such as rum, vodka or gin. The alcohol will kill the bacteria and you’ll enjoy the additional benefits of being constantly drunk.
  •  Cows - don’t try to eat them. In India you get lots of cows wandering around the dusty streets. They’re a hoot and regularly brightened up my days but you must not mistake them for free steak. These cows are not food cows.
  •  Street food - vendors don’t always provide napkins so keep a spare in your pocket.
  •  Rice or Naan? - Naan.

    Now back to familiar territory. A few weeks ago I was having a chat with a fellow DJ/wax worshipper about something or other when we were interrupted by a person asking for a more upbeat soundtrack. It was about quarter past eight and the bar only had about 10 people in it. As an experienced disc jockey my mate was able to deflect the request politely and let the record play on.

    But she kept coming back.

    I don’t go to bars and clubs where I don’t like the music - life is too short - and if I found myself some place where the music was harshing my buzz I would leave. Most people are like me in this respect, which is a good thing because it means places with good music flourish and places with bad music don’t (except they do).

    If you’re the type of person who likes to buzz around the decks and make unwanted suggestions then you probably aren’t reading this anyway but I would like to make a suggestion. Perhaps you could scribble down your request on the back of a business card. That way I can visit your office and lean over your shoulder and point out misconstrued inefficiencies in your spreadsheets?

    Next week: RecordStoreDay (sigh).