The huge portions on offer at The Tawny Owl test the appetites of MICHELLE TOMPKINS and partner

QUAILS eggs and pea veloute are all very well, but there are times when all one wants is proper pub grub; honest-to-goodness, simple food, done well... and a mountain of it.

There is nothing very fancy on the Tawny Owl's menu - the most adventurous it gets is a butternut squash risotto (£9.50) - but I'd defy anyone not to find something from the simple selection to satisfy their tastes. And when the pub's website talks of a 'determination to produce fresh, chef-prepared food in abundance', they're not kidding. If you want to eat your own body weight in food - good food at that - then get yourself down there. Just make sure you haven't eaten for at least three days before you do.

It was getting on for 8.45pm on a Tuesday when we rolled up at the north Swindon pub, but the car park was at least half full and the bar and restaurant just as busy. The photos I'd seen online didn't do the place justice; images of ketchup bottles on tables don't generally fill me with hope, but while the sauces were indeed there, the wood panelling and eclectic collection of plaques lining the walls spoke more upmarket bistro than greasy spoon.

We debated whether to have starters, finally (in the interests of research, you understand) opting to share a plate of BBQ pulled pork tortilla chips (£7.95). Good job we did, because what arrived was enough to feed at least four people, six at a push. The giant helping of grilled chips was loaded sky-high with juicy, smoky shreds of pork, topped with half a pound of melted cheese and a sprinkling of jalapenos. A sour cream and chive dip on the side provided some much-needed relief from the heat. So far, so full already.

I fancied the shepherd's pie (£10.45) for main course, attracted by the promised filling of pulled lamb, but sadly we were too late and that was all gone for the day. I went instead for a straight-forward 10oz rump steak (£14.95), with onion rings, chunky chips and salad, interested to see how good the cut of meat was and whether it would be cooked to a true medium rare.

I wasn't disappointed. Perfectly pink inside and charred on the edges, it was superb - huge, but superb. With a giant mound of chips, no fewer than eight onion rings and a generous salad, it was a proper plateful of food - just the thing for someone who hasn't just eaten the most enormous starter known to mankind. Oh dear...

My partner toyed with the chicken and ribs (£11.50), which can be turned into a true meat feast with the addition of a 5oz rump steak for an extra £2.50, but ruled that out on the basis of room left in belly.

His cod and chips (£10.95) was meant to be the 'lighter' option, so I had to smile when what arrived was anything but. The 12oz fillet, with Arkells 3Bs in a beautifully crispy batter, was the biggest piece of fish I've ever seen. With the addition of peas (substituted for mushy), curry sauce, tartare sauce and the same heap of chunky chips, plus a request for two slices of bread and butter on the side (an extra 95p), it was mountainous, and even he - a man of infinite appetite - looked a little panic-stricken.

We dived in wholeheartedly at first, slowing after a dozen or so mouthfuls, crawling after a dozen more and eventually grinding to rather queasy standstill with, sadly, still quite a sizeable portion of food left on both plates. We took a five-minute breather, hopeful that we'd be able to resume and be a little less wasteful, but if anything that gave the food time to sink further into our stomachs and fill us up more. We were well and truly defeated. Happy, but defeated.

I'm afraid to say I haven't a clue what's on the Tawny Owl's dessert menu. Just a glance at it would have tipped us over the edge; even thinking about it now makes me feel slightly nauseous.

But I think it's pretty safe to say they will be straight-forward, simple puds - pies and crumbles and sundaes and the like - and big enough to feed a small army.

You have been warned...

The Tawny Owl

Queen Elizabeth Drive, Taw Hill

Swindon SN25 1WR

Tel: 01793 706770

thetawnyowl.swindon@arkells.com

Parking: Yes

Disabled access: Yes, via a ramp

Adver ratings:

Food: 9/10

Choice: 9/10

Decor: 8/10

Customer service: 8/10

Quantity (special category): 11/10

Main course prices: from £7.50 to £14.95

TripAdvisor rating: 3/5