The World Cup has started and people are still wondering if Qatar is a suitable host.

On the same day Fifa said the 2022 tournament would be in Qatar it announced that Russia would host the 2018 event and look how well things about going with them.

If you were thinking of heading out to enjoy the sporting event, Fifa has published some advice for you.

You have to keep your shirt on. That’s good advice anyway and is the same rule my local Tesco has in the summer. Plus, with a skin tone that’s used to UK weather if you have your shirt off in Qatari sun you’d look like a bacon Frazzle in minutes.

The official guidance states: “For the avoidance of doubt, body tattoos and body paint do not constitute clothing.”

That’s a shame because if they did you could get a whole body tattoo of a suit and never have to worry about what to wear again. Plus the money you’d save on running the washing machine would make it worth it.

The UK Foreign Office advises visitors to Qatar to "dress modestly" in public, which would be in keeping with the local culture. By the same measure I hope any international tourist going to Newcastle is told to only wear a t-shirt even on a cold winter’s night.

Alcohol is an issue. Plans to sell Budwiser near the grounds were cancelled last minute. Imagine all of those football fans who will watch a game while sober for the first time in their lives.

They’ll come home realising that it’s not that interesting as a sport. It’s a realisation akin to if you have ever visited a nightclub in the day and you realise it’s just a smelly room with sticky floors.

There are many items you’re not allowed to take into a stadium, which includes "bottles, cups, jars, cans or any other form of closed or capped receptacle that may be thrown or cause injury".

If you don’t want people to throw bottles let them put their beer in there.

They have also banned vuvuzelas, a musical instruments synonymous with World Cups. It’s probably for the best though. Hearing those at all the games made it sound like there were ships in fog sat.

All of this makes me think you’re better off watching the games down your local pub. You can have a drink, show off a tattoo and probably carry a vuvuzela if you want. And unless you have a very bad local, it’ll have a better human rights record than Qatar.