RESPONSES from letters to the Queen, Waitrose and the Old War Office had the audience in stitches when John Summers took to the stage at the Arts Centre.

John told the 15-strong crowd about the hundreds of letters and their replies which he has published in a book called Humps For 140 Yards – a decade of letters posing small-minded questions to high-minded people.

Enquiries to Tesco, EasyJet and the BNP were also among his anecdotes, and he encouraged the audience to make their own enquiries and complaints.

“This book is not a manual, there are no instructions in here about how to write good letters,” he said.

“This book is not trying to change the world. It is about trying to have a bit of fun. It is like Ali G with manners. I write straight and then put an awkward question in. That is the fun.”

John told the audience about letters he wrote to the Queen and the Prime Minister asking how many letters they receive and whether the person opening and responding to the letters is really running the country.

He asked Waitrose whether he could have a discount for the labour he carried out while taking tomatoes off the vine, and he also told the audience about a letter he wrote to the Old War Office in London to ask where the New War Office was.

“The responses give me a real insight into the mentality of the people writing back,” he said.

“Sometimes they send me vouchers for things. It is a delicious feeling sending the vouchers back and asking if they are trying to buy me off.

“My encouragement to all of you is to step up to the mark and give comments on what you have received – even if your feedback now means you will stand up and walk out the door,” he said.

He gave advice about complaining to big companies, and also shared his observations on attitudes to complaining in different countries.

John invited the audience to make complaints at the end of the talk, which included a comment about the thickness and size of the mugs in the Arts Centre.

“You have a right to complain. You also have a right to give compliments. Please use those because they are really valuable,” he said.

“Be curious to ask questions and make complaints. I can’t promise to have pleased all of you all the time just now but hopefully you have got something from this and your complaints to me will be minimised.”

John writes a few letters of complaint a month, but the amount of fun letters he writes varies.

“It takes a long time to sit down and write an eloquent letter. I really enjoy that,” he said.

“I make a record of who I write to and follow it up within two weeks if I haven’t had a response.”