Should I leave my husband?

I have been married for 30 years but for the last ten, we have been living almost separate lives.

My job means that I must travel regularly, and I am often away for a week or so. He's busy too and when he's not working, he's with his cronies at the golf course. We rarely eat a meal together and even when we ARE both at home, we rarely talk. I hate it, which probably explains why I was so happy to meet a wonderful guy at a recent conference. He's everything my husband isn't: Witty, kind and, above all, interested in me and what I am doing. Nothing has happened yet, but he has already signalled that he wants more than just friendship. It's what I'd like too, so why am I finding it so difficult to walk away from this loveless marriage?

Fiona says:

Tempting though this offer may seem, I think it would be a mistake to make any hasty decisions, especially as part of you seems reluctant to walk away. This might indicate that you are frightened of losing the security of a marriage, however unhappy, and it also suggests that you may still have some feelings for your husband. So before accepting this man's offer, please consider talking with a Relate counsellor ( This will give you the opportunity to talk through what you want in life and love. In the meantime, you might want to let his other man know that you are interested but that you need some time to think things through.

I feel I should help my ex

My ex-husband cheated on me repeatedly throughout our seven-year marriage. When I eventually left him, he had destroyed all my self-respect and confidence.

It took me a long time to get back on my feet, but I now feel happier and more secure than I have done for years.

My ex-husband, however, seems to have gone from bad to worse. He's been evicted from the flat we shared, is drinking a lot, and was arrested recently after a fight with the lady he is currently seeing.

Although it's almost two years ago now since our divorce, I still feel guilty sometimes. Should I have given him one more chance?

Fiona says:

Based on his previous behaviour, what do you think would have been the most likely outcome of that opportunity? Your empathy for your ex-husband does you credit but you really should not be feeling guilty. This situation he finds himself in is entirely of his own making. You showed great patience in giving him many chances to mend his ways and show that he cared for you, but he betrayed that trust repeatedly.

He's an adult, not a child, and you shouldn't feel any responsibility for what's happened to him.