When Boris Johnson announced plans for some of the rules to be relaxed I felt really positive that we were heading towards the end of this thoroughly annoying time.

The Prime Minister said he would be relying on the good sense of the British people.

I’m British and I have good sense. I’m not one of those people who need a label that says “may contain nuts” on a bag of nuts, or the words “for external use only” on a tube of Savlon.

I’ve never been that hungry that I’ve looked at Savlon and wondered how it would work as a dip for some nachos.

I have good sense and you have good sense, as you are showing right now by reading this column.

So what could go wrong?

The sun came out and everyone forgot about good sense and headed to the beach.

When I saw the pictures of people flocking on Bournemouth I have never been more pleased that Wiltshire is a landlocked county.

The rules are simple. You have to stay two metres away and if you can’t do that you have to stay one meter away and take some other form of precaution, for example a face mask.

Why would you want to lie in the sun if you’re wearing a face mask? Tan lines on your back are bad enough but no one wants a two-tone face. You’ll look like a telephone from the 1970s.

If you turn up to a beach and there’s not enough space to be two metres away from everyone else you should go home.

I understand that it’s easy for me to say. You would have spent ages on the roads to get there, so it will be annoying.

And I like my personal space more than most. I think it comes from being a tall person.

If you’re stood within one metre of me I am worried that you’re going to pickpocket me.

I realise that, yet again, this is another week where I, a so-called comedian, at least that’s what people call me on social media, is advocating having less fun.

All we are being asked to do to fight a deadly disease is stay away from people for a while, so it’s not much.

I also know people like to get a tan because they think they look better with one.

Remember, most of us are working from home via Skype or Zoom these days. All you need to do is go into settings on your computer, look for devices, find your webcam and alter the hue.

There you go; instant tan without risking lives.

You’re welcome.