IT was this time last year when I got to write one of my favourite columns. At the end of an election period that saw people rowing on social media and prime ministers hiding in fridges it was really nice to write about something as ridiculous as the kind of things Gwyneth Paltrow sells.

This year has been another struggle so it is with pleasure that I can confirm Gwynnie has launched her Goop website Christmas campaign. Let’s have a look to see what you can buy from her website to increase your wellness, which seems to be the keyword on there. I’m feeling ‘weller’ already.

For just £160 you can buy a lamp made out of a real baguette. Don’t buy me that as a gift. I tried the Atkins diet once and I’d have had that lamp by day three.

They say there’s nothing like the smell of warm bread to help sell your house during a viewing. This lamp must help with that, right before it catches fire and takes your home with it.

Thankfully the bread is coated in resin and it only uses LED bulbs for safety. It’s the best thing since sliced bread, which Gwyneth will probably try to sell you for £300 to tile the bathroom.

While we’re in the bathroom, her website sells hand and foot rests so that couples can get frisky in the shower. I can’t help thinking it would ruin the mood. “You get undressed, I’ll go and get the handles and stirrups. We don’t want an accident, now do we?”

Romping in the shower is a little like parkour. If you don’t think you can do it without falling down you shouldn’t even try.

Last year she offered a candle that smelled of a rather intimate part of her. It cost £75. I seem to remember telling you how to make one yourself for much less.

This year she has a candle that says on it: “This candle smells like my prenup.” As anyone who has been through a divorce will say, there’s nothing more terrifying than smelling your prenup burning. Other than what she made the last one smell like, I suppose.

For just under £800 you could get her gemstone therapy map where you lie on some rocks that will make you feel better. I don’t know what you’d be feeling bad about. Maybe having spent £800 to lie on pebbles.

With economic uncertainty just round the corner, it might not be the year to waste money on items that no one needs, but thanks to Gwyneth we now know we’re not missing out on much.