Has anyone heard the Janet and John stories on Terry Wogan’s radio show?
They were for us of a certain age; books that helped children learn to read.
Wogan has put his own slant on these stories but I thought I would rip off the idea and have a go myself, tell me what you think I might do more.

If you haven’t heard the radio version, it’s best to think ‘are you sitting comfortably, then I’ll begin’

The Missus and Mr Grumpy go shopping

Today The Missus and Mr Grumpy are shopping. The Missus likes shopping. Do you like shopping? Mr Grumpy doesn’t.

The Missus tells Mr Grumpy to wait outside the shop and if he behaves she will let him go out later with his friend, short fat beardy bloke.
Mr Grumpy waits outside the shop.

Whilst he is waiting, Mrs Goodenough walks by. “Hello Mr Grumpy, what are you doing?”
Mrs Goodenough is from Cornwall….look up pasty in the dictionary.

Mr Grumpy tells her he is waiting for The Missus. He tells her if he behaves he is going to be let out with his short fat beardy bloke friend.

Mrs Goodenough says, “When you do get out, you should come round to my house and see my crop of tropical fruit in my new greenhouse. Bring your friend . I’m sure Mr Goodenough would like to go out with you too; I’ll give all of you a lift. When you’re at my house I must let you sample a new recipe I have discovered. I’ve been to the butchers for some sausages and I’m going to bake them in fermented apple juice. You’ll love it, I do”.

Mr Grumpy says he will come round as soon as he can.

The Missus, after a long time, comes out of the shop.

“Hello Mr Grumpy, what have you been doing whilst I’ve been shopping?”

Mr Grumpy's excited. “I’ve been chatting to Mrs Goodenough. She says that me and short fat beardy bloke can go round to her house and look at her melons in her greenhouse. She says her partner would like to join in our fun too. You know, she’s not really Goodenough, they’re not married. She is nice though. She also said she loves a couple of bangers in cider and she says we can try it out. Afterwards she is going to take all three of us in her car”

Can you hit a man repeatedly with a size 16 coat hanger without drawing blood? The Missus can.
Look at Mr Grumpy run.
Run Grumpy run.