I used to be somewhat normal...some said I was crazy (what do you think they meant?). As I am passing my sixth year of my diagnosis of depression, I can’t help of thinking how I got here or how I have allowed this diagnosis to do this to me. What I am talking about is how I have had to put my life on hold.

Depression controls your life. I don’t enjoy doing things that I once enjoyed before (Does that make any since?). My concentration has hit rock bottom (Hey! I have some friends in Rock Bottom...the band not the place!), so I find myself staring at a blank page most days.

I used to wear make-up everyday now I only wear it when my son or I have an appointment. Sweats, t-shirts and hoodies are now this girl’s choice of clothing and a ponytail instead of a nice top, jeans and my hair down (which is almost to my waist). So much for the appearance of looking younger now I look my actual age! I have been seeing a CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapist) once every two weeks and things are starting to look up.

I no longer feel this guilt of my sons’ father not having anything to do with him. I am handing the guilt over to him for not stepping up when his son needed him most and for my son feeling like he doesn’t want anything to do with him because he has Special Needs.

I am now seeing things in a new light! The clouds are opening up and I actually see the sun shining through with a rainbow just beyond. (It’s not because we have had a lot of rain lately!) I am learning to ignore the negative and persevere onto the positive aspects that life has to offer.

I will not be misery’s company or depressions female dog (watching language for the kiddies and those who don’t like the swearing)!

I know that I will have my bad days where I slip back with my depression but, I will not let it destroy me!

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